Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
