amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
