i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
