Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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