tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
