it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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