There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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