You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
