i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
