I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
