i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
