this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
