She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize