Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
