Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize