Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
