She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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