I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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