Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think your dad took our porno
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
