My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize