Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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