Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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