One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
