wrigley field is MILF paradise
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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