Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
