Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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