I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
