Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize