I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
