The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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