I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
