I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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