I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
