the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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