Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
