so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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