To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
