So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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