apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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