I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
