He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
