he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
