At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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