I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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