you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
