drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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