Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
