Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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