The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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