I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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