genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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