roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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