I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
