It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Randomize
