Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
