Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
