I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
