Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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