Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
