there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
