he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
