I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
