he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
