By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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