My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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