I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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