Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize