Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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