I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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